Friday, February 5, 2010

Toolsmartz -Column #2 - From the D-files

Until we start getting some emailed responses or questions, I’ve decided to just sort of go into a ‘ramble’ mode. You may read more about me, you may hear a goofy joke, you might see some serious advice or I might even break out some episodes of “The D-Files”...which is a takeoff on the old TV show, “The X-files”. That show had some of the oddest episodes. It was the 90’s version of “The Twilight Zone” and I loved it.

Anyway, back to The D-Files. These would be tales of some of the odd incidents that I encountered in my 24 years with Delta and I might even throw in some of the later oddballs too.

Several years ago, during my time as a Technical Service Specialist for Delta, I got a phone call from a fellow who wanted to know if our 14" woodcutting bandsaw would cut asparagus stalks. I had never been asked that before, but I told him that it was doubtful because the water/juices in the stalks would make the blade wet and it would probably slip off the rubber tires. Fairly logical answer I thought. Well, about 2 days later, I got a call from a fellow who basically asked the same question, but this time, it was about deer meat. Oh, boy, here we go again... Well, I told him that I thought the grease, blood and such would cause the blade to slip off the wheels... it wasn't really practical - I says. Well, believe it or not, a couple of days later I get another 14" bandsaw call...from a lady. She was very evasive in what she was trying to ask- so I finally told her to just 'spit it out'. She said "Do you have a weak stomach?" 'Well, not really, especially over the phone'. So, she says "Well, I work for the LA (CA) county morgue and we have homeless people who have died and we need to cut the top of their head off and remove their brain to be able to check the brain base for signs of communicable diseases and we are wondering if your bandsaw can do that".
Well, due to the 2 previous calls, I was well prepared for this one. I told her to leave our bandsaw out of her plans and to call Hobart since they specialize in meat cutting saws.

Just one of the more odd tales from the D-files. I KNOW you don’t want to read too many of these, so send your questions or comments in to: and we’ll see what we can do to help you.

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